Allowed 2 Cheat – When Marriage Takes A Wrong Turn
I loved my husband. Looking back, maybe I loved him a little too much. Definitely more than I loved myself. How do I know? Because six weeks before our wedding I found out that there was another woman.
Devastated, I called him crying, trying to understand why. He explained that she started off as a friend because I made him give up his best friend (another woman and as such, a different story entirely, but really the same situation) to comfort me. He goes on to explain that it just turned into more than he expected and how he couldn’t stop it since he didn't want to hurt her. He said that he did it to try and get it all (by all I assume “the cheating”) out of his system so that he wouldn’t cheat once we were married. I knew then, in my heart, that his cheating would continue for a lifetime. But I was determined to keep the love I thought I found. I was so eager to hold on to that love that I told him, “I forgive you and we will get past this.” Sadly, that wasn’t the last time I spoke those words. Throughout the course of our marriage, that refrain was repeated if not openly, silently… over and over again. So, this is my story. To protect those I love the most, I’ve changed names (including mine, just because) and the locations of various events. I also did this because the names are not important, neither are the places. What holds true, or at least the truth that I’m trying to convey is illustrated in the message of this allegory. A message that so many women need to hear. A message outlined in the following fact that, as you read, you will feel this in your very soul:
BECAUSE I was aware of my husband’s cheating during our engagement and set no boundaries or consequences; I gave him permission and consent to continue it during our marriage. I didn’t walk away, and I should have. As a result, ten years later I’m still struggling with my sanity and choices.
Don’t be me.
About Author M. Renae (St. Louis, Missouri Author)
M.Renae is a woman, like many, realizing her truth through self-discovery, a passionate relationship with God and an overwhelming love for her children. Through the art of journaling, M. Renae came to terms with the purpose: to help hurting women all over the world by first sharing her story. While her path isn’t considered by some unique, it is an inspiring work of faith; a story told with uncut truth and exposed raw edges. Her bravery is respected by all who know her, and it is through her God that she realizes all things are possible. Including healing for every woman that needs it.